Mari: Prologue A girl, barely 16, was driving along in a black Miata behind her parent's large red Ford truck. She couldn't see them beyond the massive trailer they were hauling as they were moving across the state. She had a walkie-talkie sitting next to her in the opposite seat. There was too much to bring to fit her and all their pets in the truck, so she offered to drive by herself with a few of her own things – she also had a trailer, but it was much smaller. Her parents, of course, had been reluctant to let her drive on her own.
I loved this piece. The grammar was great the readability was incredible as a result. I also liked the storyline it made me want to keep reading. You are an amazing writer. I am looking forward to reading the story as you post it and I have time.
I had a couple of things that I felt were unclear. One of them is a more trivial thing while the other could help the story improve when cleared up. I will start with the biggest part that was unclear, was the prologue in its entirety a dream? Also the more trivial thing, that could make some difference, were the animals riding with her or her parents.
Overall as I said I believe this has a lot of potential, looking forward to reading the rest.
Wow!! Thanks for the critique uvu I'm very glad you like it.
i'll be sure to use your feedback to improve the next part! <33
I realized that the dream/reality thing may be confusing it makes a little more sense when you reach the first chapter, which explains more or less that she had blacked out so suddenly that she didn't even realize she blacked out nn;